Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize