my being single is dangerous.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
