You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
wow bdsm is so cute
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