Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
