I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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