I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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