I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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