Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
