so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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