You can't motorboat a personality
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
