I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize