i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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