So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
