They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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