So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
