you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
