honey bunches of taint.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
