is your mom at the bar?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
