I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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