Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
no, he came in my armpit
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
