All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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