She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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