summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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