I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
