obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
