Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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