I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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