grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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