i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Less talking, more tequila
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
