The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
