is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I CAN MOONWALK!
if only i could text you this smell
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
