cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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