we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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