Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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