Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
