Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
