On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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