I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So much rum. So many feels.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
