Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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