Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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