I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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