he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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