I'm going to jail i love you
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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