Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
