you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
