It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
This toilet bowl is my home.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
