I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
