can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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