i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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