like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize