I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
