Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
