Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
