there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize