Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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