just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Sorry about my life...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize