dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
