i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
