You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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