that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
