brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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