I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
