This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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