I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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