Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm passing your future prison.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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