i permit you to call me
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
