everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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