No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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