i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I fill condoms, not promises.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
