You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize