i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
