He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize