Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
