return my video game
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
