Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
