I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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