so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize