dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
