I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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