how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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