I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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