Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
