saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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